Today I thought a lot about the few paragraphs that I wrote yesterday. Mainly about the comment I made how there is no real information about how life is for people who have bipolar after they get a handle on some stability. It is something that I think about often.
I know that I have spoken about my own depression and bipolar a lot in my previous blog but I now feel the need to deconstruct everything to help me reconcile myself to the person that I feel I am these days.
It’s almost two weeks since I posted. I started writing tonight and after a few paragraphs I decided that I had nothing to say and that even if I did it is as though I no longer know how to say it.
So I deleted those paragraphs.
And now I am starting again.
I am as unenthused about life as I was in the last post, possibly worse. I’ve no doubt that my medication and being stable is a contributing factor to my indifference. It is having a significant impact on me as I bring it up at one point in time every therapy session. I tell the psych that I struggle with feeling so ‘flat’ to which he replies ‘you mean normal?’. No, I don’t mean ‘normal’. If every neurotypical person felt the way I do then nothing would ever happen in the world.