Very, Very, Silly Twaddle

Today S went to the Melbourne Zoo with a friend of mine and her children. It was a long day of walking around and no electronic toys to play with.

I picked him up at around 5.00 pm and he was so tired that he kind of shuffled into the car.

On the way home he said something about needing to go on the computer when he got home.

Need? Needed to go on the computer?

I started to blab on about what defines a true need. You know. Need versus want etc.

And then, in the midst of my very important wordy blab, he farted.

Worse than that, he farted in MY car.

I am not sure what was the most offending part of the whole thing. That he farted when I was trying to explain an important life lesson to him. Or that he broke the cardinal “no farting in mum’s car”rule.

If he farted as a statement in response to my talking, was that an expression of how he felt about what I said. Did he do it to shut me up? Did he do it to express his utter boredom of my twaddle?

I decided to assume he only farted for the fun of it. To extract a reaction from me. Because, if he did do it as a reaction to my talking, I could not make a comment on that sort of response to a conversation. If I did, I may put the idea in his head that to fart at someones deep and meaningful talks is very funny.

“You farted in my car, you know the rules”, I said in a semi annoyed voice.

“You fart in your car”, he answered back.

“Only in extreme emergencies do I allow myself to break that rule”, I replied.

“How do you know if my fart was not an emergency?”came the retort.

“I can tell it was for fun by two things. Firstly, the loudness of the fart indicated to me that you forced it from your body for maximum effect. Secondly, you turned you head and smirked at me immediately after the fart. These two things tell me you did it on purpose”, I explained.

“Whatever. You can’t do much about it now anyway can you mum. It is not like I can take it back”.

Silence.

“When are we home? I really need to go on the computer””.

Obviously my earlier blab about need versus want was not taken in at all.

Which did confirm to me that his fart was for the funny factor only.

Phew!

Ciao

LC

17 thoughts on “Very, Very, Silly Twaddle

  1. I am in tears in a public library on the computer. I should know better than to read your blogs in public! I find it hilarious that you actually have a no farting rule.

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  2. Haven’t we been here before? Did he dissolve into giggles? I always do and so does my husband – just a couple of easily entertained big kids. He’s the only person on earth that I feel comfortable letting one go in front of of. We were made for each other.Kat

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  3. Yes, you see there are three things a man over 40 should always remember: 1. Never pass up the opportunity to take a leak;2. Never take an erection for granted; and 3. Never trust a fart.

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  4. Oswegan: Well, they just happen to be the same three things women over forty should also remember….Catherine: Nah, burping is all my domain thankfully. I am not sure if my husband could handle two burpers in the house.Skittle: That rule is only in my car – once inside all standards drop. The car is such a confined space….eeeewww.Kat: A marriage can never really be a true union if you cannot fart in front of each other.

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  5. I’m late posting to this, so I hope you see it.My 14 y.o. boy will say things like “Oh, that slipped.” When one can tell for darn certain that there was some effort put into the whole ordeal.Boys will be boys, won’t they?

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  6. LOL!!LOL!!! Oh my, that made me laugh, I needed that 🙂I have a no-fart rule in my car too, but my boys are masters of the SBD, and then deny it. Personally, I’m going with the fart as an editorial comment.

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  7. Bunny: When my son was little, his farts were cute and funny – now they are big and smelly. And so deliberate. Mizmell: Welllll, I have to confess – I do still laugh at whoopee cushions. My husband is the only male who does not find farts remotely funny (does not stop him from doing them though)Sharon: SBD’s are the worst. Really – there should some sort of spray around to colour the air near the culprit. And, the smell stays in the car – embedded. I don’t know, just awful.

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